...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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