good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
