i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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