What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were destined to go to rehab together
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
