you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
