Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
