My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
