you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
