if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
