there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize