he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He better not be in your backpack
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
