You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
