Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
