Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
