normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
