dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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