My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
