I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
