she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No stitches, just platelets and will power
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
