I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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