On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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