You just made me feel so damn special
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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