this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
