yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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