but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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