"it" just moved
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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