It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
