I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
