I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
