Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
