Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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