So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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