I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
