Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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