shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
