Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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