i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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