I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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