he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
