I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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