Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
