I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
