Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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