the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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