i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
