I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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