I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.