Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party