Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
vagina is talking i cant
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
