Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
