Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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