dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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