I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
