Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
