Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
