My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
