New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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