i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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