so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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