Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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