at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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