Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
