Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
me + whiskey = a bad person
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
