Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Randomize