remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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