R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
