She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
