I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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