my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
