I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
