Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
