I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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