I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
