He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My feet surprised me
Randomize
