Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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