Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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